I recently attended a fashion show displaying all the fall "must have" items. While i was excited about certain fall trends such as boots which were both utilitarian and ultra-sexy (best of both worlds), hard, manly jackets softened by fur or lingerie underneath, and belts, belts, belts on everything, I was a bit confused by one trend...
THE ASSHOLE. It seems this season everyone must have one
ASSHOLE as part of a proper wardrobe.
The models carried the
ASSHOLES down the runway with them, not physically but in the weight of expressionless looks. I felt as if I could read what the stoned-faces were going through. Somewhat choreographed but also exasperated because he didn't call last night as he said he would. Some of the women in the audience did as well. It was apparent from every blackberry or iPhone glance that ended in disappointed, one-sided-pursed lips, verbal sighs or distant looks into space as if in thought.
ASSHOLES were present that night and represented for their tribe. Suave and charming, one stated to his date "One second, I think I know this model." as he jetted to speak with a model after the show. Another with a look of disinterest kept babysitting his watch before barreling out of the door early.
The problem was, just like the cream high-heeled boots with the buckles (I am SO getting them!) I loved my
ASSHOLE. Just as I knew every woman in the room and world did also. From my experiences and the stories of other women we found our emotional highs and the depths of frustration usually in the same man.
How to recognize The ASSHOLE
He is the one:
- who is emotionally detached and tells you how his past is indicative of the reason why he can't love presently.
- who is always too busy to escort you to movies and dinners because he is a Superman of a go-getter who is always off saving the day... or making money.
- who frequents clubs and comes home too tired to make love to you. (WHAT?)
- who is insecure and doesn't believe you value him as you do, so he continues to see other women as protective measures for his heart.
- sending you to another world sexually and to the underworld all other times.
- who takes care of you financially but leaves you romantically starving.
- who you feel the best around but you only see him monthly.
- that is arrogant and conceited and makes you feel like he's doing you a favor buy allowing you to date him.
- who cares about you but is just not ready to settle down.
- who is supposedly committed to you, but messes around with other women occasionally.
- who drives you CRAZY because you do all you can and still cannot win him over.
- who does not have a job, car, or house but treats you like a queen and has the best conversation.
- who says he will leave his wife if you could only BEAR with him for awhile.
Why do we deal with him?
Why do we continue to deal with the ASSHOLE knowing that we deserve much better? ASSHOLES are smooth, clever, and many are very strategic! How do you think they can charm the pants off many women (not just us)? Every ASSHOLE knows that in order to keep a woman around there is one thing they MUST do! That is, appeal to the EMOTIONAL SIDE OF THE WOMAN. The only way we as women continue to stay with ASSHOLES is because they have drawn us in, somehow, emotionally. I have seen it all from pity stories such as "Baby, your the only person in the world that is on my side! I NEED YOU!" or intense flattery such as "My baby looks so good that I gotta take you around and show you off!" and even brutal disregard like "Why the hell you keep asking me questions? Damn, I do what i want to do." Those approaches and many more is what puts us into am emotional state. Once we are tied to the ASSHOLE by an emotional string, he goes in for the kill! Dismounts from his high horse and reels us in further by revealing one of the following things to us:
- Just how much we really do mean to him.
- If he ever falls in love it will definitely be with us.
- How thankful he is for the goodness and love we have shown him.
- That we are his only solitude and peace in a world of chaos.
- That we are his BEST FRIEND (complete with vagina and all!)
- That his life would not ever be complete if we were to leave.
- That we are the ONLY person in this world he can count on.
- That he doesn't understand why we continue to deal with him because we deserve SO MUCH more.
- How he wishes his circumstances could have been different. If they were, he would be with us.
- How we need to stop being so nice to him because he is not use to it.
- How if he had the money we would be taken care of .
- How he does not DESERVE us.
- That he works so hard to provide for us. That's why he is always busy.
- That the other girls meant nothing to him but a cheap thrill, we have his heart.
So what is it that we
love about
ASSHOLES?
Is it that as women we are emotional creatures and as long as we are in our emotions (good or bad) that validates the relationship in our minds? You know, like a child who wants attention so negative attention will suit them fine. So they act out in a mischievous way.
Do we like the emotional roller coaster of uncertainty?
Could it be that we are "hit on" all the time by men and we have high knowledge of our worth and value that someone who doesn't notice it needs to?
Do we settle for less because the good times outweigh the bad (at least in our minds)?
Do we take care of him because we are afraid to start over even though we could do better without him?
After the show, I watched one of the models get picked up by a guy in an expensive car. She carried a look of resentment that probably weighed a ton as she entered the car. I quickly understood that behind her beautiful silhouette there lived an ugly inner scar. Perhaps caused by the guy in the car. Could it be that his indiscretions had pushed across that thin line which landed him on the side of hate? Maybe he didn’t come home last night or came home smelling of Cabernet and Chanel. There was also a possibility that he was married (not to her) and continues to tell her that he will leave his wife (knowing he actually wont). On the other hand, maybe the car was hers and he has the privilege of driving it around town (while occasionally picking her up and dropping her off).
Whatever the case was, that day I realized I really didn't much care to obsess in fashion trends... or
ASSHOLES and that the word
STRIKE sounded pretty good to me.
